EMOTIONAL  INTELLIGENCE
By S.K.Sengupta

( GLOBALLY BROADCASTED RADIO TALK : COPYRIGHT RESERVED )

During the freedom struggle of India , Mahatma Gandhi was fondly known as Bapu . Bapu in Hindi means father . One day Bapu was stopped by a tall young police officer as he was on a March . Bapu bent on a walking-stick , adjusted his specks and then looked up at the tall police officer . The police officer fumbled before the great leader and said : “Bapu , you always say that one must do one’s duty . My duty says that I must not allow you to march any further .” Bapu broke into a broad smile . Then he lifted his hand and patting the cheek of the young officer said : “ Yes son , you must do your duty , and I must do my duty .” Saying that Bapu marched ahead . The police officer watched silently overawed by the aura of the spiritual giant .

It is a classic example of Emotional Intelligence . Emotional maturity lies in understanding one’s own emotions and values , understanding the entire situation and the requirements of the concerned people , and then taking the most appropriate and justified action . In the process one also has to handle the feelings of all the people around with gentle care and warmth . In short , E.Q. or Emotional Quotient is a measure of how well you can handle your own emotions as well as the feelings of others .

To practice Emotional Intelligence , we must understand a few concepts . We must understand that human beings are feeling beings . We are chiefly led by emotions and only to a small degree by reason . I will smoothly get along with a person who takes good care of my feelings . If someone makes a good appeal to my emotions , I am likely to do what he asks me to do . When we handle people we must handle them with feelings . For example , a two year old child runs to grab the expensive mobile of his mother . If the mother shouts at him , the child will wail and create a scene . If the mother hugs the child , kisses him , and starts tickling him and rolling over , the child will soon forget the mobile as the new game to him will be far more enjoyable . People are like that . Handle them with feelings .

Next , we must understand our emotions . They come like tsunami from nowhere , and we have no control over them . If we try to stop our emotions we wil not succeed . It will take much longer to subside and it will also play havoc with our entire system . We don’t generate our emotions . They just happen to us . They are necessary and are a way of nature to maintain the well-being of our body , mind and soul . When we don’t hinder our emotions ,  they flow smoothly through our system , play their role and then disappear soon after that .

The next concept we must understand is that all actions jump from emotions , not from reason . Reason can only modify the action . Whenever we have strong emotions we will impulsively feel like doing something . Impulsive acts are usually wrong and unacceptable . So , though we cannot control our emotions , we can and we must stop all our impulsive thoughts , words , and actions . That is the heart and soul of Emotional Intelligence . Though  we cannot control our emotions , we can and we must stop all our impulsive thoughts , words and  actions .  Like , if a friend annoys me and I feel like abusing him and giving him a sound slap , then I must pause and stop myself from taking that impulsive action .

Next , we must understand what is an appropriate action to take in any situation . One must realize that though one must understand one’s own emotions and viewpoint , that is not the only thing which counts . One must also understand the feelings and viewpoint of all the concerned people , one must understand the situation in its entirety , and then take an action which is in the best interest of all the people taken together . Here is a true story . A twenty-seven year old man , Deepak , found a two-year old lost boy . Despite best efforts Deepak could not trace the  parents of the small boy . So he brought-up the child for next eight years and remained unmarried . Then by coincidence , he came to know about the parents of the child who had almost lost every hope of getting their son back . Deepak was in a dilemma whether to disclose the truth to the parents because he did not want to part with the child . Finally , however , Deepak acted in the best interest of everyone and restored the boy to his parents .

So , we need to understand that there are four steps in an emotionally intelligent action . Number one , feel and understand your emotions but don’t try to hinder them . Number two , don’t take any impulsive action . Number three , realize your feelings , feelings of others , understand the whole situation and then decide on an action which is in the best interest of everyone taken together . And lastly number four , while carrying out the decided action be very gentle and pleasant in handling the feelings of everyone . 

Next , we have to understand that if we have a high E.Q.  , then we will have more people success and also more material success . Everything that we desire comes from people : the music , the movie , the fancy dresses , the mouth-watering food , the job we want , the business deal we are looking forward to . Life is such that if the people around me like me , then I will prosper . If I mishandle the feelings of people around me , then they will not like to deal with me . People with high I.Q. or Intelligence Quotient can handle tasks very well . But to succeed in life it is far more important to handle people and their feelings effectively . For success in life therefore E.Q. plays a far more important role than I.Q.

There is one more thing that we need to understand . It has been seen that one , who is healthy both physically and mentally , has a higher level of tolerance , patience , and ability to handle situations pleasantly . Therefore to raise our E.Q. we should have good diet , enough rest and sleep , daily exercise and daily meditation . It is said that our body is the temple of our soul . We must maintain it very well . Swami Vivekananda once said : “ Being pleasant always and smiling brings one closer to God , closer than any prayer can .” Emotional Intelligence can give us people success , material success and spiritual success as well . In fact there is no success in life without Emotional success .        

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