PERSONAL COUNSELING : STEP-BY-STEP

PERSONAL COUNSELING : STEP-BY-STEP

by  S.K.SENGUPTA    

 STEP  ONE

COMFORT AND THEN BRIEF THE CLIENT

                          As the client has the first contact with you , make him like you .

Give him a warm smile . Make him comfortable . Serve him tea and a glass of water . Provide him with paper and pencil . Ask him if he needs anything else . Love people and they will readily connect with you .

Let the client know that he has to tell you in detail everything about the area of his life in which he is seeking your help . Promise that you will guard all his secrets and he can trust you as a professional .

Assure the client that he can relate his troubles in any order he likes . There is no right or wrong way . At the end , however , he should feel that he is through and complete .

You also need to tell the client that you will stop him after every little while to sum up what he has related . The client should then confirm that you have

understood him completely . If there is any mistake in understanding , the client should correct you . Correct and complete understanding is the basic requirement for effective counseling .

The client has to be advised that you are like a coach . After you tell him how to live his life powerfully , he must take over the responsibility , implement the guidance , and live his life accordingly for success and happiness .

                                                                

                                                                 

STEP  TWO

CATHARSIS  (  EMOTIONAL  RELEASE  )

                   In step 2 , you stop talking and the client begins to pour out his soul .

Listen from your soul . Listen deep . Pay attention to the body language of your client , the looks in his eyes , the tone of his voice . Deeply understand what your client is going through . Look at his world , and look at it through his eyes .

Keep on asking the client that how he felt in those circumstances . It is not the events , it is the emotional reaction of the client in that situation which defines him and which gives a clue as to what needs to be done to put him back on the right track .

By the time the second step of counseling is over , the patient undergoes an enormous release of pent up emotions and starts feeling much better .

Sum up this phase by summarizing his key problem . Say : “ To sum up , as I understand , you are feeling _______ because ________ , and you don’t know what to do about it . ”

Then move on to Step 3 .

                                                                

STEP  THREE

REALIZATION

 In this phase , you make the client realize where he is going wrong and is refusing to see it eye-in-eye . Here you confront him because you care for him . You make him understand that he alone is responsible for whatever happened in his life , whatever is happening in his life , and whatever will ever happen in his life . Blame game does not help .

Ask him : “ What are you doing , and what are you not doing , which is adding to you problems ? ”

Coach your client in how to deal powerfully with past , present , and future . Coach him also in positive outlook and happy living . Then brief him on how to live with people and circumstances .

Now ask the client : “ What do you want ? ” That will help him to decide his goal .

Now move on to Step 4 .

                                                                 

STEP  FOUR

ACT

                                                                        The goal of the client is his Point B .

His present standing is his Point A . Ask him to study and analyze his Point A . Let him understand the full hard and cold facts of his situation .

Now to get what he wants , he has to plan and act to shift from Point A to Point B .

Now the client needs to understand how to prepare an overall strategic plan to achieve his goal . This has to be a SMART  ( Specific , Measurable , Achievable , Realistic , Time-bound ) plan .

The overall plan then needs to be broken into smaller tactical plans . The tactical plans again have to be divided into easy step-by-step action steps .

The client must now focus on the first action step . Ask him to rehearse the first step mentally and plunge into action .

Action has no substitute .

                             WHERE  TO  GO  FROM  HERE  ? 

To advance your coaching skills to help your clients better , the following could be your next steps to grow :

§        Get some more advanced training on  ‘decision taking’  and  ‘planning action-steps’ .

§        Learn  ‘Creative Visualization’  for working on inner world . It will enrich your own life , deepen the effects of personal counseling , and will add a spiritual dimension to all your work .

§        Attend and observe a live Counselling Session .

HE IS NO MORE

HE  IS  NO  MORE

 by  S. K. SENGUPTA  

“ Sir , there is a bad news . ” The call from Ruchireeka woke me up at 6.30 a.m. “ Sir , Vidur is no more . ”

“ What ?!! ”

“ There was a road accident ….. ”

Two hours later , I was at his home . People were dropping in one-by-one : neighbours , friends , classmates , teachers , relatives  ---  all in disbelief and shock . I sat in a corner . There was little to say for anyone . The body was still in hospital .A photograph of Vidur with a charming smile was silently watching over us .I got lost in his memories .

“ Are you upset ? ” I had asked Vidur once after I had been firm with him in the class for some minor indiscipline . I cannot forget his words , nor the look in his eyes , as he said : “ Sir , I can never be upset with you ! ”

“ Sir , how many marks have I got ? ” Vidur asked me as I had completed my checking , though results were not formally declared . “ You did well Vidur . You are fifth in rank in my paper , though you’ve topped amongst the boys . ” Little incidents like that were flashing across my mind .

Two days ago he came running to me from behind as he saw me in the morning : “ Good morning , sir . ” Two days later the morning brought me his death news . I remembered his heart-warming smile , his wit and his sunny nature which were part of his trade-mark . What I had before me now was only his photograph with a pleasant smile !

“ Vidur . ” “ Yes sir ” , and thus he used to mark his presence in the class during roll-call . His “ Yes sir ” still rings in my ears . I can still call out “ Vidur ” , but …..

HANDLING QUESTION-ANSWER SESSION

HANDLING  QUESTION-ANSWER SESSION
by  S.K.SENGUPTA  

Following are the one-by-one effective steps involved in handling Question-Answer Session after a formal presentation :

STEP 1 : Hold the power in your hand . This you do by declaring the Question-Answer session open . You can also declare the time-limit , or else limit the number of questions that you would answer .

STEP 2 : When people raise hands to ask a question , decide who will ask the question . Lift your hand , palms up , to indicate and invite a person to ask the question . ( Never indicate a person with your finger . That’s bad manners . )

STEP 3 : When the person asks the question , listen deeply to understand the crucial main issues in his question .

STEP 4 : Rephrase the question , if necessary , to make it sound positive . Like , the question could be : “ What has your organization done for us anyway?” Rephrase the question and say : “ You have asked to know what has our organization done to benefIt you . So , here it is …”

STEP 5 : Now give an honest , straight and detailed reply . Don’t try to dodge the question .

STEP 6 : Ask the audience to co-operate with you for mutual benefit , and appeal to them to take some suitable positive action ( as you desire ) .

This over , now you may go for the next question .

AFFIRMATION OF BASIC RIGHTS

AFFIRMATION  OF  BASIC  RIGHTS

o     Nobody has the right to tell me what to think , what to feel or what to do .

o     I have a right to have my own thoughts , to have my own feelings , to have my own values , and to have my own beliefs .

o     Nobody can force me to tell them about my personal life .

o     I have a right to decide what I want to tell others about my personal life .

o     If people are rude to me , I have the right to ask them to stop being rude . I also have the right to avoid them .

o     I have a need and right to love myself , to respect myself , to be fully self-expressed , and to have a straight talk with people .

o     I don’t tell others what’s right for them .

o     I have the right to do whatever I want as long as I am not violating the right of anyone else .

o     I have a right to be who I am and to live my own life in my own way whether others like it or not .

o     I accept that I have a right to commit mistakes --- otherwise I can’t learn and grow .

o     I don’t feel guilty for not being perfect .

o     I don’t want to ‘ look good ’ . I want to ‘ be good ’ to people .

o     I take my own decisions .

o     I understand that nobody is responsible for me . I am responsible for my own life .

o     I am a divine child of God .

o     I am responsible to be true to myself and to be true to others .

o     I am safe in the hands of God !

GIVING IS DIVINE

                  GIVING   IS   DIVINE
                                             
                                                            by  S.K.SENGUPTA

                                                                             

o       Be responsible in distributing an aid .

o       Understand the needs of the other person . Giving just as you wish is not a good idea .                                                                                                         Also when you help , never make the other person feel small or obligated .                                                                                                                                    Keep also in mind to pack a little of  you and your love  with the gift .

o       Real caring  is not a passing flush of emotion . Real caring is costly . It means weeping with those who weep . It means doing something after we have said , “I’m sorry .” The challenge is to  give  whatever may be possible in terms of time , efforts and resources .

While you help , keep this in mind  :

o       Think deeply for others .

o       Give them your time .

o       Give them space .

o       Give them your understanding . Give them your forgiveness . Give them your mercy .

o        Give them a dream .

o       Give them  value   in whatever you are doing for them .

o       Give them your disciplined and cultured behaviour .

o       Coach them . Work hard so that you can stand for them as an example .

o       Be slim , trim , and  well-groomed for them . Give them a good appearance .

Seven types of  giving   :

             I.      Giving for personal benefit .

          II.      Giving with the belief that it will release you from your sins .

       III.      Giving to show-off and to satisfy your ego .

     IV.      Giving because others are giving and you will feel ashamed  not  to give .

        V.      Giving thoughtlessly .

     VI.      Giving because you feel it is your duty . That is  moral  giving .

  VII.      Giving out of pure love for the other person in the spirit of Jesus . That is  spiritual  giving .

VOICE EXERCISE FOR VOWELS

VOICE  EXERCISE  FOR  VOWELS

How lively , spirited and clear your speech is depends on how your vocal organs produce the sound of words .

Though consonants give meaning and definition to words , it is the vowels which contain your vocal tone , which actually represent your voice . So shape your lips nicely as you pronounce the vowels .

Here are two exercises for practice . Breathe deep , feel the beauty of the poems , and then read slowly and with effect .

Exercise Number 1

Lull me to sleep , ye winds , whose fitful sound

Seems from some faint Aeolian harpstring caught ;

Seal up the hundred wakeful eyes of thought

As Hermes with his lyre in sleep profound

The hundred wakeful eyes of Argus bound ;

For I am weary , and am overwrought

With too much toil , with too much care distraught ,

And with the iron crown of anguish crowned .

Lay thy soft hand upon my brow and cheek ,

O peaceful sleep ! until from pain released

I breathe again uninterrupted breath !

Ah , with what subtile meaning did the Greek

Call thee the lesser mystery at the feast

Whereof the greater mystery is death !

Exercise Number 2

The splendour falls on castle walls

And snowy summits old in story :

The long light shakes across the lakes

And the wild cataract leaps in glory .

Blow , bugle , blow , set the wild echoes flying ,

Blow , bugle ; answer , echoes , dying , dying , dying .

O hark , O hear ! How thin and clear ,

And thinner , clearer , farther going !

O sweet and far from cliff and scar

The horns of Elfland faintly blowing !

Blow , let us hear the purple glens replying :

Blow , bugle ; answer , echoes , dying , dying , dying .

O love , they die in yon rich sky ,

They faint on hill or field or river :

Our echoes roll from soul to soul ,

And grow for ever and for ever .

Blow , bugle , blow , set the wild echoes flying ,

And answer , echoes , answer , dying , dying , dying .

VOICE EXERCISE FOR SONORITY

VOICE  EXERCISE  FOR SONORITY

How lively , spirited and clear your speech is depends on how your vocal organs produce the sound of words .

Here are two exercises to help you develop a deep and sonorous voice .

 Exercise Number 1

Mind you mend my mound.

Many prime ministers mean merely money-making.

Nine nice nuts in a neat green net.

The dragon will come when he hears the drum.

Mamie met a monkey munching melons.

Soon the moon will loom through the misty gloom .

Exercise Number 2

“ When a wind from the lands they had ruined awoke from sleep ,

And the water began to heave and the weather to moan ,

And or ever that evening ended a great gale blew ,

And a wave like the wave that is raised by an earthquake grew ,

Till it smote on their hulls and their sails and their masts and their flags ,

And the whole sea plunged and fell ,

On the shot-shtter’d navy of Spain . ”